


thoughts of you are only getting deeper

by theafterimages



Series: frat au [38]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Background Markson - Freeform, Developing Relationship, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 00:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9210932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theafterimages/pseuds/theafterimages
Summary: Zitao isn’t sure if it’s too soon to get involved with someone new, but Sehun is hard to resist.





	

**Author's Note:**

> And that's day 12! For a long time I had planned for the next installment in this storyline to switch between Tao and Ravi's POVs and cover their spring semester relationships with each other, Sehun, and Hongbin, but I am still having trouble with Ravi's side of things, while Tao's was done. It's been so long now that I wanted to at least post this much of the story. I still really want to get Ravi and Hongbin's finished this year. Fingers crossed!
> 
> This fic follows [that first step](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3676530). Frat AU master lists: [by storyline](http://eveninadream.livejournal.com/17207.html) and [by chronology](http://eveninadream.livejournal.com/9888.html).
> 
> Thank you to S for reading this over for me!

Zitao is on the train back to New York when his phone vibrates. He picks it up, expecting it to be a text from Baekhyun, but instead it’s from Sehun.

His stomach leaps as soon as he sees Sehun’s name. He’s thought a lot about Sehun since meeting him two days ago. His plan had been to contact Sehun tomorrow or the day after, but he’s pleased Sehun texted him first.

There was one especially cute kitten that Zitao had taken a liking to at the store, and vice versa. Zitao opens the message and finds that it’s a picture of the kitten, all big soulful eyes, held up against Sehun’s pouting face. _he misses u_ , Sehun added underneath.

_noooooo ull make me want him_ , Zitao sends back immediately.

_do it_

_i cant jackie wld never let me_

There’s a pause, almost long enough to make Zitao wonder if he’ll ever get a follow-up message. Then: _jackie?_

Zitao grins and flips through the many, many pictures of his beloved cat that he’s taken on his phone until he finds his current favorite, the one where Jackie is in the top hat Chenchen gave him for Christmas this year and his new silver collar with the little bow tie. (Jackie had actually kept the hat on for almost five minutes! Zitao’s still proud.) He forwards it to Sehun, adding, _jackie chan huang best cat ever!!!!_

This time Sehun’s response is immediate. _omg_

_i know :3_

_jackie chan????? really?????_

_best name for the best cat_

It all devolves into Zitao sending Sehun pictures of Jackie and Sehun sending back pictures of various animals, both at the pet store and at the animal shelter where he, Jongin, and Taemin all volunteer. But when Zitao gets off the train, still smiling to himself, it’s the picture of Sehun’s face that he’s thinking about.

 

 

Two weeks later Zitao is on the road again, this time making the five hour drive back to Cartwright. His emotions are all over the place, anticipation of seeing Sehun warring with dread about seeing Wonshik.

He’s in a more stable frame of mind now than he was after Thanksgiving break, at least. When Jackson had visited him just before Christmas they had gone all over the city, like usual; nothing like that day in late November when Jackson had shown himself into Zitao’s room and curled up with him under the covers for hours, rubbing his back and letting Zitao cry on his shoulder. 

Still, Christmas break without Wonshik had been strange. They had had a few stilted conversations before exams, promised hollowly that they wouldn’t let the breakup ruin their friendship, but it’s still too soon to think about trying to make that work yet. Zitao has spent the past month without his phone lighting up with continual texts from Wonshik, without regular care packages and daily Skype sessions and train rides back and forth to spend weekends together. Even when they weren’t dating they had kept in close contact while they weren’t at school. After two years of Wonshik being such a central part of his life, total silence is… well, strange.

Even his shopping trips with Kris had been strange. Zitao had seen one thing after another that Wonshik would like, only to abruptly remember every time that Wonshik probably wouldn’t want any gifts from him. He hadn’t been able to resist buying one shirt; it’s in one of his suitcases, waiting to see if they’ll be close enough friends again to exchange gifts someday.

Shopping for Wonshik had always been fun, and Wonshik had always been good at giving gifts, too. It hadn’t been until after their breakup that Zitao had realized how much of his jewelry collection was comprised of gifts Wonshik had given him. He hasn’t worn any of it since; hasn’t felt like he has the right, even though he can’t imagine Wonshik would agree, not when he’d always been so happy about how much Zitao had liked everything Wonshik had given him.

Zitao had cried bitterly the night he’d taken off both rings Wonshik had given him, ones he had worn all the time until the breakup and hasn’t touched since. His fingers still feel strange without them, but he’s getting used to it. Soon he’ll be used to everything about not being with Wonshik anymore. 

His phone vibrates, interrupting the Taeyang album Zitao is blasting. A month and a half ago his first thought would have been a sad reminder that it isn’t Wonshik. Now his heart leaps with the hope that maybe it’s Sehun, updating him on his own trip to Cartwright or checking to see how Zitao’s drive is going. 

Last month he had been sick with nerves on his way back to Cartwright, heartbroken and worried that he’d hurt Wonshik too deeply to ever get past. This time he’s feeling a lot more optimistic, and he knows Sehun had something to do with that.

 

 

 

Usually Zitao and Jackson drive to and from Cartwright together during vacations, but since Jackson spent the second half of his winter break in California with Mark, Zitao made this particular trip alone. He’s not surprised that Jackson seems determined to make up for it.

“We’re hanging out tonight,” Jackson announces, sticking his head in Zitao’s room the day after they’ve both returned to Cartwright. Zitao had all but collapsed into his bed when he had arrived; judging from how Jaebum had been grumbling about thin apartment walls that morning, Jackson and Mark had done much the same, but not to sleep. “We’re going to grab Mark and go for pizza, and then-”

“I can’t, I’m going to go meet someone,” Zitao says, not looking away from his reflection.

“Who?” Jackson asks immediately.

“You’ll meet him soon.” Zitao carefully adjusts his bangs, getting them to sit just right. “He wants to rush, Jongin and I talked him into it.”

“But _who_?” Jackson grabs him by the shoulders, shaking him.

“Why should I tell you?” Zitao protests.

“Because I said so!” Jackson pauses. “Wait, he knows Jongin? It’s Sehun, isn’t it?”

“You know him?”

He laughs at that. “Like half of us walked in on him and Baekhyun last year. Didn’t you?”

“I was away that weekend.”

“Shitty timing. Or good, I guess.” Jackson rests his chin on Zitao’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Zitao’s waist. “I wanna meet him. It wasn’t his face I saw.”

Zitao grins at him in the mirror. “Aww, do you want to make sure he’s good enough for me?”

“Who cares about you? I just want to he'll make you stop flirting with my boyfriend.”

Zitao pats his head. “I can’t, Mark would miss it too much,” he teases, and Jackson pinches his side.

 

 

 

Zitao had promised to help Sehun move his stuff in, so when Sehun texts him that he’s arrived Zitao checks his appearance one more time, then grabs his coat and hurries to Jones Hall. 

Zitao is halfway to the dorm when he remembers helping Wonshik and his family move Wonshik's sister, Jiwon, into her room at Jones when she had started at Cartwright last semester. He swallows hard at the thought, his steps momentarily slowing. He hopes he won’t run into them today. He’s not ready to explain Sehun to Wonshik of all people when he’s not even sure what’s happening between them yet, himself.

Zitao knows the odds are that when he gets to Sehun’s dorm room he’ll find that he has built all this up too much in his head. That they’ll be good friends and that maybe someday they’ll even hook up, but that he’s been exaggerating how attracted to Sehun he felt and dramatizing how just meeting Sehun’s eyes for the first time had made him feel like he was already in over his head. For all that Baekhyun constantly cracks jokes about life in Kappa Tau being like a porno, Zitao’s life isn’t a movie. Love at first sight doesn’t happen, and he’s stopped expecting it to. 

But when he gets there and Sehun opens the door, that awareness strikes Zitao again, taking him aback. They’ve been constantly texting for two weeks now, sending each other plenty of Snapchats and liking each other’s frequent Instagram updates, but seeing Sehun’s shy smile in person has Zitao’s stomach fluttering. “Hi,” Zitao says, his voice softer than he’d intended.

“Hi,” Sehun echoes. “Um. Come on in.”

He opens the door wide to admit him, but Zitao still accidentally brushes against him on his way in, sending a shiver of awareness through him. There’s a pile of bags and boxes in the middle of the room, but no other people in sight. “Is it—just us?”

Sehun laughs quickly. “No, I just waited here in case you showed up. Jongin and my parents are bringing up more of my stuff.”

Parents. Just the mention has him as nervous as seeing Sehun again didn’t. He had known that they were coming, but somehow he hadn’t really thought about it, too busy thinking about things like Sehun’s small, full lips and the way his eyes curve when he laughs and how much Zitao has wanted to see him again.

Not that he has much time to think about it, since they return to the room within a minute. Of all the things Zitao’s wondered about Sehun, how he’ll age has never been on the list, and now it never will be; Sehun’s dad looks exactly like him.

“Here, let me take that,” he says to Sehun’s mother. She gives both him and Sehun a bemused look, but hands Zitao the two bags she’s carrying. 

“This is Tao,” Sehun explains to his parents. “He’s in Kappa Tau with Jongin.”

“Nice to meet you,” Zitao tells them, smiling, and tells himself not to be so nervous. Parents love him. 

His nerves settle a little when Jongin grins at Zitao and gives him a long hug as soon as he sets the box in his arms down, and even more when Sehun’s mother tells Sehun sternly to change his sheets every week, Jongin laughing against Zitao’s shoulder as Sehun sheepishly promises to do so.

Sehun’s parents make one last trip to the car, and Jongin grins over at where Sehun is making his bed, as ordered. “Hey,” Jongin begins, eyes bright with mischief, “did you bring Pinku Pinku?”

“Pinku Pinku?” Zitao asks.

“Shut up, Jongin.” Sehun rolls his eyes. “Pinku Pinku was this toy I had when I was a kid-”

“And middle school-”

“I like holding onto something when I sleep, so what?”

“I do, too,” Zitao says quietly.

Sehun gives him a flustered smile, then rounds on Jongin again when Jongin snickers. If Zitao hadn’t already known they’ve been friends almost their entire lives, he would have been able to guess now. “And at least I didn’t name my dog after him!” Sehun adds.

“Hey, Monggu’s a great name!”

 

 

 

Sehun’s parents want to take him for dinner before they drive back home, so Zitao and Jongin leave first. Sehun follows them to the door, and Zitao lingers. “We can do dinner tomorrow, if you want,” he says casually. Very casually. So very casually.

“Where, the cafeteria?”

Zitao shudders. “Never eat at the cafeteria. We can go to the food court. Or we can go out. There are a lot of really good places to eat around here.”

“Okay. I’ll eat anything, so, wherever you want.”

“Okay, I’ll think of something. What time?”

“I don’t know, um, six?”

Zitao nods. “I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay. Thanks for helping us.”

“Anytime,” Zitao assures him. “If you need anything, let me know. Or if you want anything.” He doesn’t realize how suggestive that sounded until he sees Sehun wet his lips, Zitao helplessly watching the sweep of his tongue.

“Okay,” Sehun says quietly, then steps forward. “Tao, I-”

Sehun’s mother calls something from inside the room. Zitao’s not sure what she says, since it’s entirely in Korean, but he catches Sehun’s name and she sounds impatient, so he can guess that she’s asking what’s taking him so long.

Sure enough, Sehun makes a face. “I should get back. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Zitao assures him. “Tomorrow.”

Zitao walks away, but can’t resist turning back to take one last look at Sehun, only to find that Sehun is looking back at him, too. They both laugh, flustered, and turn away again. 

Zitao takes the memory of Sehun’s flushed cheeks and shy smile with him, warming him the whole way through.

 

 

 

Not sharing a room with Wonshik is strange. Not sharing a bed with him, or anyone, is even stranger—he had been with Baekhyun most nights during freshman year and Wonshik during the last year and a half, and while he hadn’t had many casual hookups otherwise he had still had plenty of friends who would let him crawl into their beds if he was feeling lonely or just wanted someone to cuddle with. 

Much like Baekhyun, Zitao likes beautiful people. He’s a photographer, so he’s primarily visual. And he sees beauty in everyone—Wonshik’s eyes, Hongbin’s smile, Baekhyun’s hands, the curve of Jackson’s thighs, Sehun… god, Sehun’s everything.

Zitao shifts restlessly, turning over to his other side and clutching at the extra pillow. A poor substitute for Sehun—for anyone, he tries to correct himself, but gives up. He’s nothing if not honest, and there’s only one person he wants in his bed now.

 

 

 

“Sandwiches, the grill, Chinese, Indian, Korean, pizza, Mexican…” Zitao lists, trailing off as they enter the Cartwright food court and Sehun can see everything for himself. Sehun licks his lips, eyes brightening as he looks around at all the stations. “Lots of options.”

“Good,” Sehun says. “I’m starving.”

He’s not kidding, Zitao discovers once they get their food and claim a table. Sehun eats like he hasn’t seen food in a week, shoveling improbable amounts of food into his mouth without seeming to stop for a breath. 

Zitao has never seen anything like it, even after two years of living in the Kappa Tau house. “How are you still alive?” he demands. 

Sehun shrugs and crams another handful of fries in his mouth. Zitao makes a mental note to learn CPR.

If watching Sehun eat dinner is fascinating in a train wreck sort of way, watching him eat ice cream is downright life-changing. Does it even count as eating? Zitao wonders dazedly, his eyes fixed on Sehun’s mouth as Sehun engulfs the soft-serve chocolate whole one more time, then slowly pulls back off. He’s more fellating it than anything, and it doesn’t even seem to be intentional. 

Zitao can’t help but think of everything Baekhyun had said about Sehun after they had hooked up last year. He’d bragged for weeks, and while some of it had just been to irritate Jongin and Chanyeol, enough of it had been sincere. Zitao had begun to wonder how _anyone_ could live up to Baekhyun’s stories. But now that he’s met Sehun…

His thoughts are forcefully redirected when his own neglected ice cream drips onto his jeans, making him recoil. “Fuck, I just bought these,” he says unhappily.

“Should’ve eaten faster.” Sehun laughs at him even as he reaches for the napkin holder in the middle of the table. Zitao takes a few, but Sehun beats him to it, wiping at the patch on Zitao’s thigh without a second thought. Zitao inhales sharply, the pressure and sight of Sehun’s fingers making him wish that he’d opted to wear a less tight pair of jeans tonight. 

His task done, Sehun looks up and their eyes meet. He’s close enough to kiss, Zitao thinks, dizzy with the idea, for a moment forgetting how many other people they’re in view of and why that would probably be a bad idea right now.

“It’s going to drip again,” Sehun warns him, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he leans back against his own chair. Zitao swallows but hastily takes a bite of his ice cream.

They finish the dessert without further incident and head back outside, only to be met with a gust of cold air as soon as they open the door. Zitao shivers, popping the collar of his coat, surprised when Sehun huddles against his side. 

“It’s too cold this year,” Sehun mutters.

“Do you want to trade coats?” Zitao offers. Sehun’s doesn’t look as heavy as his, and Zitao can see he’s already shivering.

“No, I’m okay,” Sehun insists, jamming his hands into his pockets.

Zitao doesn’t like it, but he decides not to argue. “Oh! My mom sent me a picture she took of Jackie. You should see.” He digs his phone out of his pocket and opens it, then holds it out to Sehun, whose mouth rounds in astonishment as he looks.

“Wow. How do you guys get him to pose like that? Sometimes at the shelter a photographer comes in to take pictures of the animals for our website, and she’ll complain about how hard it can be to get good pictures of them since they move around a lot or whatever.”

“Jackie’s a natural,” Zitao brags. “He’s the best.” Zitao has been taking pictures of Jackie for eight years now, ever since the day he brought him home from the shelter. Jackie has long since gotten used to the attention. 

Sehun nods. “I just have one more question.”

“What?”

“Jackie Chan? _Really_?”

“I was twelve.”

“What would you name him if you got him now, Cartier?”

“Cartier would be cute!”

Sehun groans. “I was kidding.”

Zitao laughs, but contemplates the question. Every once in a while he thinks about getting a second pet, so that Jackie will have someone to keep him company. Maybe after he graduates and moves into a place of his own. “I’ve always thought Candy would be a cute name,” he offers.

“I like it,” Sehun tells him. “You should use it. Maybe on the kitten from-”

“I can’t adopt another cat!” Zitao protests, and Sehun laughs even more, his face scrunching up. It shouldn’t be cute, but it makes Zitao’s wish to kiss him come back stronger than ever, anyway.

 

 

 

Once Zitao gets back to his room, he takes a dozen selcas, and then studies them carefully before choosing just the right one. Several minutes of editing later he uploads it to Instagram, captioning it, _had a good night_.

Sehun likes it within the hour.

 

 

 

Seeing Wonshik again for the first time after winter break doesn’t hurt quite as much as it had after Thanksgiving break. The breakup has had more time to sink in for both of them. While they both still flinch, Zitao doesn’t feel like he immediately has to retreat. Instead he offers Wonshik a small smile, one Wonshik hesitantly returns.

“Nice coat,” Wonshik offers.

“Thanks. I got it for Christmas.”

“Nice.”

“What about you? How was your Christmas?”

“Oh, yeah. I got the headphones I wanted.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

“Yeah.”

They fall silent. Zitao _hates_ this. Wonshik had been one of the easiest people in the world for him to talk to, and now Zitao has ruined everything for both of them. 

Wonshik stares at a point somewhere over Zitao’s shoulder, but Zitao can’t help but look at him, taking in the shadows under his eyes.

“Have…” he begins, unthinking, but then he catches himself and the inquiry dries up on his tongue. He can’t ask if Wonshik has been sleeping enough when he still vividly remembers Wonshik’s texts from last summer about how hard it had been to get used to sleeping alone. He can’t ask how Wonshik is doing when he’s the reason that the answer wouldn’t be a good one.

But Wonshik will get past it, Zitao tells himself, biting his lip when they finally part ways. He’ll get past it and find someone who really loves him, who will make him happier than Zitao ever could. 

He almost calls Sehun. Seeing Sehun would make him feel better. But that _would_ be rebounding, so he shoves his phone back into his pocket and goes to his room, where he flops down on his bed and settles in to brood some more. 

He just doesn’t know what to do. It feels right, when he’s with Sehun. Getting to know him has been easy. Talking to him makes Zitao feel like he’s known Sehun all his life; being around him makes Zitao want more and more.

But it’s only been two months since he broke up with Wonshik, and they were together for a year. Wonshik can still barely look at him. Aren’t there rules about this? Doesn’t Zitao have to wait, like, six months or something before he can even think about being with someone else? Is he rebounding without even realizing it?

The problem is it’s hard to worry about Wonshik when he’s with Sehun. It’s hard to worry about _anything_ when he’s with Sehun. Sehun makes him laugh and smile and want, more than he’s ever wanted anyone. And he’s surer all the time that Sehun feels the same way.

Zitao muffles a groan into his pillow, and then grabs his phone. Now that Jackson spends all his time fucking Mark, there’s only one person Zitao can go to at a time like this.

Joonmyun answers on the third ring. “Hey, Taozi.”

“Hi.” Zitao smiles, the tension in his shoulders relaxing. Just hearing Joonmyun’s voice always makes him feel better. “Are you busy?”

“No, just ordering dinner.”

Zitao giggles. “You still don’t cook anything?”

“Isn’t that what takeout places are for?” Joonmyun asks lightly.

“I’m telling Minho. He’ll fly out and take care of you.”

Joonmyun laughs quietly, and Zitao can hear the discreet press of keys on the other end of the line. “So what’s up, Zitao?”

Zitao glances at the door. He hopes Chanshik doesn’t come back from dinner too early. Even without this Sehun situation, Zitao would want all the time he could get to talk to Joonmyun.

“Um.” Zitao swallows. “I met someone. Jongin’s friend, Sehun.”

“Oh, I met Sehun last year.”

“Did you walk in on him and Baekhyun, too?”

“Who didn’t?” Joonmyun says with a laugh, and Zitao shakes his head. 

“But yeah, he transferred here this semester, so we’ve been hanging out and talking a lot and…” He swallows. It’s so strange, how he both wants to yell something from the rooftops and worries so much about word of it ever getting out. 

“And?”

“And I really like him,” Zitao says, his voice small even to his own ears. “I like everything about him, and I like being with him, and I…” He hesitates, drumming his fingertips against his pillow case. “Is it okay? _Should_ I feel like this? It seems real, but isn’t it too soon? It’ll hurt Wonshik.”

Joonmyun hums thoughtfully. If he were still at Cartwright, Zitao would be curled against his side, holding his hand. He makes a mental note to himself to visit Joonmyun this summer. It’s been too long. 

“If he’s important to you then it doesn’t sound like he’s a rebound to me,” Joonmyun comments at last. “Just be careful. You did just break up with Wonshik, and you still need to deal with that. So does he.”

“I’ll be careful,” Zitao promises. “I don’t want to hurt him anymore.” He has already hurt Wonshik too much. He can’t ever do it again.

 

 

 

“Creeping on Sehun’s Instagram?” Baekhyun asks, leaning over Zitao’s shoulder for a look.

Zitao angles his phone so he can see better. “Isn’t he hot?”

Baekhyun shrugs. “He looks like a foot, but if that’s what you’re into-”

“He doesn’t look like a _foot_!” Zitao says with a disbelieving laugh.

Baekhyun tsks. “Love really is blind.”

“You’re one to talk. Have you looked at Hyuk lately?”

“Yup, while I was fucking him this morning,” Baekhyun says promptly. “And he was still hot.”

Zitao grimaces. Sanghyuk’s tall, and he has nice thighs, but in Zitao’s opinion he’s cute at best. “If you say so.”

“Or maybe your nose is getting in the way of your vision again-”

“Stop talking about my nose!”

Baekhyun swoops down and presses a quick kiss to the tip of Zitao’s nose, laughing, and Zitao has to laugh, too. “If there’s anything about Sehun you want to know…” Baekhyun begins, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Zitao shakes his head. “I want to find out for myself.”

 

 

 

Jackson is half paying attention to the hockey game on TV, and Zitao is studying, or trying to. His socked feet are propped in Jackson’s lap, Jackson absently massaging one and laughing every time Zitao can’t help but moan at the perfect pressure.

Baekhyun tries to sit between them on the couch, but Zitao whines and kicks him away with his free foot, Jackson assisting with a shove. “Geez, no wonder you two get along so well,” Baekhyun says, making a face at them as he retreats. “You’re so much alike.”

Jackson scoffs. “Whatever. I’m way cooler than he is.”

“You’re wearing _basketball shorts_ with _leggings_ ,” Zitao retorts, staring at him in disbelief.

“I’m telling my boyfriend you won’t quit staring at my legs,” Jackson shoots back.

Zitao smiles. Jackson’s been saying those words everywhere ever since he and Mark finally got together. It’s nice seeing Jackson in love and done with denial.

He shifts forward, planting his feet next to Jackson and scooting forward until he’s all but sitting in Jackson’s lap, then kisses Jackson’s temple. “You’re cute,” he explains when Jackson makes a surprised noise. 

Jackson still looks bemused, but quickly recovers. “Well, yeah. I’m adorable.”

“I don’t know about that,” Zitao teases.

“You know it’s true. Look, check this out.” Jackson shifts closer, puppy eyes going full force, and Zitao laughs but doesn’t back down, pouting right back at him and leaning in until their foreheads are touching. Zitao’s lips are twitching with the need to laugh, and he can feel Jackson shaking silently with it under his hand, but neither of them make a sound.

“Hi.” Sehun sits down on Zitao’s other side abruptly. 

Zitao beams, immediately twisting around to face him instead. He hadn’t expected to see Sehun tonight, but he definitely doesn’t mind.

“Hey!” he says, his cuteness contest with Jackson forgotten. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m going to get food.” Sehun’s gaze flickers to Jackson, then back to Zitao, and he shifts closer. “Want to come?”

Sehun’s _jealous_ , Zitao realizes, and doesn’t bother to suppress his smile. “Sure,” he says. Not breaking eye contact with Sehun, he adds, “Jackson? Want to see if your boyfriend wants food?” Sehun startles, flushing a little, and Zitao’s smile widens.

“You don’t need to buy my boyfriend anything,” Jackson complains, then leans around Zitao to get a good look at Sehun. “I’m Jackson, by the way, since Tao’s being too _rude_ to introduce me.”

“I’m Sehun.”

Jackson grins. “I know. I’ve heard about you.”

Sehun’s gaze darts to Zitao, and he’s smiling again by the time he looks back at Jackson. “Did you want to come?”

“Can’t, we have plans,” Jackson says. “But you kids have fun.”

Jongdae calls Sehun over, giving Jackson time to reclaim Zitao’s attention, draping his arm over Zitao’s shoulders. “I like him,” Jackson tells Zitao. “He’s not as cute as Mark, but…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you know which of them's better kisser,” Zitao says.

Jackson promptly pushes him back against the sofa, and Zitao bursts into laughter. “You said you weren’t going to talk about that anymore!”

“I lied,” Zitao says cheerfully.

 

 

 

“Is Jackson your ex?”

Zitao nearly chokes on his drink. “No,” he says once he stops laughing long enough to talk. “We hooked up a few times last year, but we’re just friends. He’s always been in love with Mark. I’ve only dated one person at Cartwright.”

“The guy all over your Instagram, right?”

“Wonshik, yeah,” Zitao says. “We broke up in November.” He twists his straw wrapper between his fingers, just to have something to do with his hands. “You were looking at my Instagram?”

Sehun looks down at his own drink. “I wasn’t trying to creep or anything, I was just curious.”

“I didn’t think you were,” Zitao says quickly. “I looked at all your pictures, too—I mean-”

Sehun’s cheeks turn pink, but he laughs. His eye smile is so cute, Zitao thinks helplessly. “Did you like what you saw?” Sehun teases.

“Yeah.” Zitao swallows. “No pictures with exes, though?”

“I deleted them.”

“I probably should, too. I just… it just happened in November, and I don’t want to hurt him even more. We were really good friends before we…”

“That’s the hardest,” Sehun says quietly.

Zitao nods, unable to say anything to that. 

Sehun’s expression doesn’t give anything away. “How long were you together?” he asks, taking another bite of his lo mein.

“A year.” Zitao frowns. “It was… I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

“Why?”

Zitao’s stomach is in knots. He had known he would have to have this conversation with Sehun sooner or later, but that doesn’t make it any easier. “He’s the first person I really dated here. Before that I just hooked up with people.” There’s no point in lying about that, not when Kappa Tau is full of people who could tell stories about Zitao’s first few semesters at Cartwright. “And that was fun, I don’t regret any of it, but it wasn’t—after a while, I wanted more than that. Wonshik and I were always really good friends, and he’s one of the best guys I know, and I knew he was in love with me, and I thought—I was sure I’d love him back, eventually, but I finally realized I never would. So I broke up with him. I don’t even know if I can say that was the right thing to do when being with him in the first place was so wrong.”

“That sucks,” Sehun tells him after a beat.

“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done,” Zitao agrees. His gaze darts up from his plate. “Sure you still want me around?”

Sehun takes another bite, pondering. “Pay for my food first, then ask me again,” he says, and grins when Zitao throws his straw wrapper at him.

It’s not until Zitao’s walking Sehun back to Jones Hall that Sehun says, “It doesn’t, you know.”

“What?”

“Hearing about Wonshik doesn’t change my mind,” Sehun says, and Zitao tenses. “You really thought you’d make it work, right?”

“Yeah, but-”

“And you let him go instead of trying when you knew you’d just be wasting his time,” Sehun continues. “That’s a good thing.”

“I hurt him.”

“You told the truth.”

Zitao links his arms around Sehun’s waist, hugging him as tightly as he can through two winter coats. Sehun’s arms are secure around Zitao’s shoulders, and he just wants to stay like this.

“Thanks, Sehun,” he says quietly.

What he really wants is to kiss him, but now isn’t the time. He doesn’t want to make Sehun wonder if he’s Zitao’s rebound, not when Zitao is surer than ever that Sehun is the real thing.

 

 

 

Zitao wakes up the next morning with a feeling of dread, but also a sense of purpose. If last night had made anything clear, it’s that it’s time for another conversation, too.

He ends up waiting most of the day, tenser with every hour that passes, but his path finally crosses Wonshik’s in the Kappa Tau common room when Zitao gets back from his three o’clock class. “Do you have a minute?” Zitao quickly asks him, before he can lose his nerve. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Wonshik says after a beat. 

“Um. Privately.”

Wonshik is silent as he follows Zitao upstairs, not even trying to make strained small talk with him. Zitao thinks about how they used to have so much to say to each other, about how once he would have been able to tell people that Wonshik knows him better than almost anyone, and the awkwardness hurts all over again. They’ll be friends again, he tells himself, they _will_ , but this is going to make things worse before they get better.

He leads Wonshik into his room, trying hard not to think about how this is the first time Wonshik has been in here since they changed their rooming arrangements, about how it’s the first time since the beginning of freshman year that they haven’t lived together.

“I want you to hear this from me.” Zitao takes a deep breath, watches Wonshik’s expression shutter closed like he can already guess where this is going. “I’ve been talking to someone.”

Wonshik nods shortly. “Okay.”

“I just met him, during break. It’s not… he goes to Cartwright now, but we’re not going to… if it goes anywhere, I won’t rub it in or anything. I’ll be discreet. Or—I’ll try, anyway.” It’s never been his strong point, but for Wonshik he can try.

Wonshik nods again, lips pressed together until he asks, “Who is it?”

There’s no point in not saying anything. If everything works out the way Zitao hopes it will, he’ll know soon enough. Given how much time Zitao’s been spending with Sehun, it’s kind of a miracle Wonshik doesn’t already know. “Sehun,” he says. “He's Jongin's-”

“Yeah,” Wonshik says hoarsely. “We've met.”

Zitao swallows. “I didn’t…. I didn’t want you to hear it from someone else, or find out by accident, or.”

“Thanks.” Wonshik looks down, crossing his arms tight over his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Zitao says impulsively. “I should have known—us dating, we shouldn’t-”

“I’m not,” Wonshik says abruptly, looking at him again. His eyes are bright with tears, and it hurts Zitao to see, but Wonshik sounds steady as he continues, “I’m not sorry we did. At least we tried, right?”

Someday, Zitao knows, he’ll probably agree. But right now, after two months of hurting Wonshik over and over again with everything he does and everything he doesn’t do, he just can’t see it that way.

 

 

 

Sehun meets Zitao outside his dorm so they can go to meet Mark and Jackson for dinner together.

“It’s cold,” Zitao chides him immediately when he takes in how Sehun is dressed; warm looking winter coat and a bomber hat, yes, but no scarf or gloves. “Don’t you have a scarf?”

“I can’t find it,” Sehun admits.

“Here, use mine.” Zitao immediately unwinds the thick red scarf around his neck, ignoring Sehun’s protests. “It’s okay, I’ll pop my collar. You need this more.” It’ll be a strange look with this particular coat, but Zitao is confident enough to pull anything off, and he can’t let Sehun be cold. 

Sehun draws the line at borrowing Zitao’s gloves, so he keeps his hands shoved in his pockets on their way over. Zitao wraps his arm around Sehun, figuring the shared body heat might help, and Sehun nestles against his side. 

Zitao had always appreciated how well Wonshik had taken care of him, but he had never fully understood why Wonshik felt the need to until meeting Sehun. 

Jackson and Mark are already at Wade’s when Zitao and Sehun arrive, which is just as well. The diner is always crowded, and tonight is no exception, so Zitao is glad that the others already grabbed a table for them. 

Jackson greets them excitedly, giving them both long hugs, like he has been friends with Sehun as long as he has with Zitao. “This is Mark!” he tells Sehun proudly, pulling Mark over to them. 

Sehun’s gaze flickers to Jackson and Mark’s joined hands, then to Zitao’s face. His eyes are twinkling. “You were right,” he tells Zitao easily. “Mark is cute.”

“Why are you talking about my boyfriend to other people?” Jackson demands.

Mark squeezes his hand. “Jackson-”

“I should be the one bragging about how cute you are, not Tao!”

“You’re too easy,” Zitao tells him, laughing.

Zitao and Sehun take the remaining two chairs, Sehun shifting his closer to Zitao. Mark goes to sit back down in his, but Jackson tugs him down onto his lap instead.

“There are actual chairs,” Mark says, but fondly.

“They’re not comfortable,” Jackson assures him, resting his chin on Mark’s shoulder. “Trust me, I’m doing this for you.”

It’s something they would’ve done at any point in their relationship, even before they started dating; they’ve been handsy for as long as Zitao’s known them. But this time they’re not stealing glances at each other or trying to laugh it off as a friendship thing; they’re both staring at each other, blatant adoration in their eyes. When Mark smiles softly Jackson smiles back, arms tightening around his waist.

Zitao can’t resist snapping a quick picture on his phone, and Jackson belatedly holds up a hand. “Hey! No paparazzi!”

“You’ll be glad, look.” Zitao messages it to him and sees Jackson’s lips curve upwards when he opens it, Mark leaning in close to get a look.

“Okay, fine,” Jackson says gravely. “This once.”

“Good,” Zitao returns. “It’s not like I want pictures of your face, anyway.”

“They’re always like this,” Mark warns Sehun, who laughs into the scarf still wound around his neck.

The rest of the meal is just as fun, all of them talking and laughing together as they eat. Zitao likes watching Mark and Jackson together, always has. They’re more open with their feelings now; no more hesitation, no more pining. They’re happy, and he loves them, and he loves seeing them happy.

Much like last year, it’s something he wants for himself. But not in general; not like before, not like how he’d let it lead him to make the wrong decision. This time, he thinks, stealing a glance at Sehun’s laughing face, he knows who he wants it with.

 

 

 

“So you and Jackson live near each other, too?” Sehun asks afterwards.

“Sort of,” Zitao explains. “He lives in New Jersey, and I’m in New York, so we visit each other during breaks.”

“Do you live in the city?”

“Yeah. Well, we usually spend most of the summer in the Hamptons.”

“Like in Gossip Girl?”

Zitao laughs. “Yeah, just less drama—for us, anyway.” He imagines Sehun in his four-post bed at the Hamptons house, his peaceful face being the first thing Zitao sees every morning; imagines walking along the beach with him and taking countless pictures and videos with him and watching him devour plates of food at Zitao’s favorite seafood place, and he _wants_ it. Baekhyun has stayed with him before, and Wonshik did last year, too. Having them both there had been fun, but Sehun… Zitao is already looking forward to it, to showing Sehun everywhere and everyone important, can picture him there more vividly than he ever has been able to with anyone else. 

His hand brushes against Sehun’s. Even through his leather gloves—he’s been good about wearing them so far, his promises to his mother still ringing in his ears—he can feel the same spark he always does when he touches Sehun. It’s that little extra push that makes him follow the impulse to say, “You should come stay with me this summer.”

“Really?” Sehun asks, lips parting in surprise. “Then you should come stay with me, too.”

“You’re just going to try to get me to adopt the kitten, aren’t you?”

“No,” Sehun says innocently, but can’t even get the word out before he’s smiling. “I mean, there are lots of cats at the shelter you should meet, too-”

“Sehun!” Zitao protests, elbowing him. They both laugh, Zitao’s catching in his throat when Sehun links his hand with Zitao’s, threading their fingers together. 

When they reach the steps of Jones Hall, Sehun unwinds the scarf from around his neck, ducking to inhale it for a second before he hands it over. He was probably trying to be subtle. It’s so cute. “Thanks for letting me use this.”

“You’re welcome,” Zitao says automatically. He holds out his hand to take it, but instead Sehun steps closer and winds the red material around Zitao’s neck himself, the way Zitao had for him earlier. With one exception—Zitao had stepped back afterwards, but Sehun doesn’t. He licks his lips, his gaze darting down to Zitao’s mouth. When Zitao moves in closer, helpless to do anything else, Sehun is the one who kisses him.

Zitao’s fleeting worry that there would be no chemistry between them is immediately disproven. Sehun’s lips are so soft against his, brushing against them again and again, longer each time until Zitao can’t wait anymore and claims them in a long, deeper kiss, coaxing Sehun’s lips apart so that he can taste him for the first time. Sehun gasps quietly and Zitao pulls him closer, wanting to hear it again, wanting more. _Needing_ more. 

Sehun whimpers, and Zitao crowds him back against the pillar and kisses him even more fervently, heat coursing through him at the sound. He wants to hear it again, wants to hear all of Sehun’s noises, wants to categorize every moan and learn all the ways to draw them out. Wants to learn everything Sehun likes and give it all to him, better than anyone else ever could.

“Come up,” Sehun tells him between kisses. “My roommate—he’ll understand, it doesn’t matter, I need-”

Zitao needs, too. Has ever since he saw Sehun the first time. Has his whole life, maybe, without realizing it. “No, wait, no,” Zitao says quickly, pulling away just enough to resist immediate temptation, though not so far that he has to let go of Sehun. He doesn’t think he could do that if he tried.

Sehun shakes his head like he’s trying to clear it, frowning at Zitao. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Zitao assures him, tightening his arms around Sehun. “No, you’re perfect. I don’t want to rush anything, that’s all, and I don’t want you to think you’re my rebound, and—I want to do this right. So maybe waiting would be better.” This is the first time he’s decided to put off sleeping with someone. With everyone else he’d jumped right into it; even with Wonshik they had waited less than a week. But this feels right, and he’s more than sure it will be worth the wait.

Sehun nods slowly. “You don’t want to wait on the making out, though, do you?”

“No, that’s fine,” Zitao assures him immediately, and Sehun laughs and leans in for more.


End file.
